she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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