he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
