broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
