He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
