i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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