Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
