Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
