I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
