Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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