Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize