So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
