I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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