All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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