i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
