Is it because I queefed?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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