i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
