yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
