I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
