i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
