I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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