Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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