Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
