yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
