2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
