go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
