So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
