We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
