i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
