You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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