Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
