Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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