Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
