When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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