census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
