my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
