He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
