HIV tests are more positive than that guy
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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