Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
