I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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