I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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