my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
