Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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