We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
