Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize