love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
