I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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