that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the liver wants what the liver wants
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
