A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
