I smell stomach acid.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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