Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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