So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
