i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
