make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
