Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your cock deserves a montage
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
