The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
