I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
