the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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