I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
