he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
