It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
