Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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