I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
