The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
