She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
