Operation Purity has been aborted
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
