I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize