I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
