never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
