So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't notice because vodka
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize