i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
