Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
