1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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